I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed "I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always a bride" I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart Yet remember these sweet words, "'Til death do us part" I married many men, a ton of them Because I was untrue to none of them Because I bumped off every one of them To keep my love alive Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me At night he was a horse's neck to me So I performed an appendectomy To keep my love alive Sir Thomas had insomnia He couldn't sleep at night I bought a little arsenic He's sleeping now all right Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing And now he plays where harps are just the thing To keep my love alive, to keep my love alive I thought Sir George had possibilities But his flirtations made me ill at ease And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease To keep my love alive Sir Charles came from a sanitorium And yelled for drinks in my emporium I mixed one drink, he's in memorium To keep my love alive Sir Francis was a singing bird A nightingale, that's why I tossed him off my balcony To see if he could fly Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide He killed his dad and that was patricide One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side To keep my love alive, to keep my love alive To keep my love alive
